Chosen by Him - Wrestling with the Question of "Why Me?"

Have you ever struggled with the question of “Why me?” Why me, God? Why me? Why did you choose me? Why did you place the call that you did on my heart?

I struggle with this question often. I am constantly reminded of my nothingness and sinfulness and yet, in spite of my perceived insignificance, God chose me.

He chose me.

There are definitely other people out there who may be better suited for the call of vocational ministry than myself, but I must rest in the fact that He chose me.

I think, more than not, I get scared of messing up and misportraying God to the people He has called me to minister to. At some point, this self doubt definitely becomes idolatry because I am holding on to me rather than trusting God. Far be it from me to know the grand scheme of things over Him who holds that same scheme of things in the palm of His hand.

Last night I was praying, and, as I often do, asked God the simple question of “Why me?” I know that He has chosen me, but when Satan reminds me of the sin and guilt in my life, it becomes so easy for me to doubt God and His plan. As I finished praying, I opened my Bible to my favorite book, Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. This book is so encouraging and uplifting and every time I read it, God seems to reveal something different to me. As I read through the epistle, I just stopped when I came to Ephesians 3:7-13. In it, Paul says this:

Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God's grace, which was given me by the working of his power. To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.

Even Paul struggled with doubting God’s calling. As he said, “Though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ.”

I think it’s easy for me to think of Paul as just this huge “giant” of the Faith (after all, he did write the majority of the New Testament), and even he struggled with the question of “Why me?” His answer is God’s answer to me. God chose me and set me apart for this purpose. It was not by my choice, but rather by His will. As Mark Driscoll often says, Paul’s story is the greatest story of the doctrine of Election.

Just as God chose Paul, He has also chosen me. I rest in that.

Straining forward to what lies ahead.

I absolutely love Paul’s letter to the Philippians. From the way he begins his letter, referring to himself as a servant of God (the only time he doesn’t refer to himself as an apostle), to the constant theme of humility, this letter is truly special. I spent last week at Hume Lake Christian Camps with the high school students from High Desert Church and in my own time with God, He really impressed upon me Philippians 3:4-14.

“If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:4-14

Paul had it all. He was the Jew of Jews. I mean, if you could be anyone or have any advantages, Paul was the guy you’d want to be. And yet he considers it all rubbish for the sake of Christ. Paul gets it! He really does! This part of the passage has always struck me in a mighty powerful way, but I’ve always read that and then glossed over the verses immediately following Paul’s powerful declaration. As of late, God has really stirred in me a passion for verses nine through fourteen.

I absolutely love how much Paul emphasizes that salvation is through faith alone. He goes on to say that “righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”

Woah.

Now that’s devotion. That is the type of faith I long for. I think it can be easy for us to read a passage like this and be quick to say that we want the same thing as Paul (after all, that’s what a good Christian3 should do, right?). I wholeheartedly believe that our response needs to be yes, that we do wish to be like Christ in every way, but the gravity of such a response is so amazing.

After seeing thirty-four students give their lives to Christ last week at Hume Lake and after seeing many more make new commitments to Him, Paul’s comment that each day he has to continually strive to live the life God has called him to is encouraging. Here we have Paul, who we often put up on a high pedestal (and rightly so) and he says that he has not achieved the devotion to Christ he wrote about. He says that it is something he strives after each and every day, to grow closer and closer to Christ so that he would be more and more like Him.

I feel like verse fourteen sums it up perfectly, “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

May that forevermore be in my heart and on my lips.