Chosen by Him - Wrestling with the Question of "Why Me?"

Have you ever struggled with the question of “Why me?” Why me, God? Why me? Why did you choose me? Why did you place the call that you did on my heart?

I struggle with this question often. I am constantly reminded of my nothingness and sinfulness and yet, in spite of my perceived insignificance, God chose me.

He chose me.

There are definitely other people out there who may be better suited for the call of vocational ministry than myself, but I must rest in the fact that He chose me.

I think, more than not, I get scared of messing up and misportraying God to the people He has called me to minister to. At some point, this self doubt definitely becomes idolatry because I am holding on to me rather than trusting God. Far be it from me to know the grand scheme of things over Him who holds that same scheme of things in the palm of His hand.

Last night I was praying, and, as I often do, asked God the simple question of “Why me?” I know that He has chosen me, but when Satan reminds me of the sin and guilt in my life, it becomes so easy for me to doubt God and His plan. As I finished praying, I opened my Bible to my favorite book, Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. This book is so encouraging and uplifting and every time I read it, God seems to reveal something different to me. As I read through the epistle, I just stopped when I came to Ephesians 3:7-13. In it, Paul says this:

Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God's grace, which was given me by the working of his power. To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.

Even Paul struggled with doubting God’s calling. As he said, “Though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ.”

I think it’s easy for me to think of Paul as just this huge “giant” of the Faith (after all, he did write the majority of the New Testament), and even he struggled with the question of “Why me?” His answer is God’s answer to me. God chose me and set me apart for this purpose. It was not by my choice, but rather by His will. As Mark Driscoll often says, Paul’s story is the greatest story of the doctrine of Election.

Just as God chose Paul, He has also chosen me. I rest in that.